It has been a tough day. I struggle with this new part time job and feel the same old dilemmas that I had before I retired--agonizing over my performance--keeping up physically with it all. I'm really struggling with the physical--I come home completely exhausted and worn out, only to have to go back the next day and do it all over again. This week I am going to try several new things: a) get good sleep the night before by keeping the cats out of my room. b)trying to eat properly because of having diabetes by having very small portions at lunch and a reasonable snack mid-afternoon. The cats hate me for keeping them out, they do detest a closed door, no matter which side of it they are on.

That's Metairie on the left. He is very vocal and seem to know just when I have dozed off by chirping and doing his baby-cry.

And this is Julia on the right. She looks very mean in this pic but she is a lovely girl and very very sweet. She wants to sleep on my bed right beside my face as close as she can get. Does not make for good sleep. And she is really unhappy with me for that closed door.




I think I would quit this job but I really need the money to get rid of debt that should have been paid before I retired. And I would have if I had not been so sick that last year before retirement and then really sick the year after. And in this economy I am lucky to have found this work and really need to keep doing it. But I would mostly like to stay at home and only do the things I really enjoy.

I did my taxes today....yeah for me, I don't have to pay anything. At least that turned out better than I expected. Now I have to take my car in for repair and hope that I don't need a new transmission.

But back to the tough day.....I am not being successful at trying to keep a peaceful mind. I rant and rage at so many things that I cannot change. My sisters have decided that my anger is from the genes my father gave to me....he too raged particularly as he aged and although I felt some unreasonable anger in my youth it seems also to have increased with age.

I have now re-read this and what a lot of garbage. 1) I had a review at work and all is well and they do not even think of firing me. In fact, I am actually doing very well. 2) the cats are adjusting to not sleeping on my bed since I have put little beds outside my door and they really want just to be close. And I'm sleeping wonderfully. 3). I really have quite a nice life--my sister came for a glass of wine and we had a good talk. 4) I must stop feeling so sorry for myself. My good friend Kate told me her sister in law has pancreatic cancer. Oh my--I am lucky to be alive.

Is this post worth posting. Noooo. But I'm going to do it anyway